Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts

Update - You can have a larger view of the pictures by clicking on them.

On Saturday, I woke up to a boisterous morning. I hate that, particularly if it happen on the weekend when my definition of morning stretches till 1 p.m. If you are too an weekend sloth like me, you know how sacred this time is..you even think weekend is the greatest invention of human kind and the morning is the gem of the weekend, right? :D

I opened my bedroom's door with a pair of bleary eyes. Surprising..surprising..my roommate Narendra whose definition of weekend morning is more liberal than mine was not only awake, but also already hosting a surprise guest from Bangalore.
"Good morning, buddy. Meet my friend Deep."
I looked at the guest. A Sardar!! aah..the reason for all he..he..ha..ha of the morning :)
"Hi..." - the guest extended his hands for a shake.
"Hello.." I greeted back.

A short termed guest always brings instant vigor to the otherwise lazy inhabitants. Wohan jana hain...yeh dekhna hain..woh dekhna hai..usko milna hain..biyani khana hain..etc etc. And all the time the inhabitants keep wondering, what we couldn't do in 2 years, you want in 2 days!!!
It seemed Golconda fort was one of those wohan. I have never visited that place (Actually one evening when the Sun was set, I had been there once to meet someone. It is an amazing story. I will tell someday :) )Neither my other two room mates Uday and Narendra who spent two years MBA and 3 years job here respectively. That doesn't surprise me though. I, too, never visited Lotus temple in Delhi during my 3 years stint there. When you live near to something, you believe you can touch it any day. But it is just that, that day never arrives.

We set out for Golconda around 12 a.m. We decided to take an auto. Hyderabad and auto drivers!! Anybody can write a war book on it. But I am skipping that for now.
After 40-45 minutes we reached there to be greeted by 3-4 guides. Our deshi guides..so cunning..so smart..so leechours..I admire this group for their skill. They can challenge even Steve Job in sales!
"Aaiye sir..idhar aaiye.."
"No bhaaiya, we don't need your service". Uday declined.
"No problem sir. I will show the fort map and explain it. You don't need to pay." the guide moved on. Now that's a cunning move, isn't ? I guessed the outcome :)
So standing next to the map of the entire Golconda fort area, he briefed what is where. Finally he concluded how he would guide us through every path outlined in the map for a paltry rs. 350.
Who said we need you for that! We can have the map! We took a photograph of the map.


Bechara got entrapped! So, he drastically reduced the amount to rs. 175. Finally we agreed upon 150.
From now let the pictures speak.
At the beginning. BTW, can you identify me?



At the barrack.

The garden. I wondered, did the Sultan and his begums spend time amidst flowers one day?

Way up to the Sultan's darvaar.


View of the lower section from the top section.



Section of a boundary wall..beyond that, Hyderabad.

On the roof top of Sultan's darvaar. Below it, an air-conditioned chamber was there. When we stood in front of the air tunnel mouth, a cool breeze whipped our faces. Narendra concluded his awe factor with a big "F**K" exclamation. Uday shouted back, "common, it was not for that purpose." lol.



The Sultan and begum's private path. At one point, the guide said, female servants( daasi) used to welcome the king there. Narendra wondered what they wore. Deep answered, definitely not bikini!!

The king's way...

A view of the darvaar from below.

The chambers with excellent acoustic technology..a very low intensity's sound is reverberated with an amplified volume. Deewaron ke bhi kaan hote hain (even a wall can hear too)! The guide explained this was how the king managed to hear all the bitchy rebukes or conspiracy hatching. I concluded, "what the heck, ek hi gaali ko baar baar suno ( the king had to listen the same scold again and again ).


Ok, now this is MEEEEEEEE with my lunch :) I couldn't have even all of it. Uday gave such a monkey jump to my neck for posing for a picture that my corentto cone fell off :(

With dashing Uday..just after his famous monkey jump. On the backdrop, the garden named after Sultan's personal dancer Premavati or Kalavati ( I forgot the name). We wondered did she perform pole dance too?


Finally it was time to leave the Sultan's world. With gentle breezes and tiny rain drops still tapping our back we headed towards Eat Street ..famished..somewhat exhausted..and all marveled.
After having our lunch( or supper ), we set out for our second voyage..this time on speed boat to the enchanted giant Buddha's statue in the middle of Hussein Sagar lake.


The day was ending. It is sad when you have to leave so many beautiful faces around you..wished so many times our auto had a reverse gear ! :D We winded up the day with a little joke.
On the way back, Uday had to sit on the iron bar of a side door of the auto as the backseat couldn't accommodate four persons. The bar perhaps drew a line across his butt. After a few minutes, he ached out..slightly moved his position. Narendra suggested, "Uday, why don't you draw an Ashok Chakra at your a** ? You just need to sit at different positions!!" Deep counted, Ashok Chakra has 26 spokes..so, 13 positions in total. I corrected , no, it has got 24 spokes. So, 12 positions.
Uday unleashed his devilish laughs.."No, you are all wrong. I need to sit at 11 positions only."
11 positions!!! How come?
"Aare, I have already had one line since my birth!!!!"
Lol..how could we forget the long line we all carry on our back starting from the neck and bisecting our butts!!!

[ Thanks to all of you...your wishes make me feel younger by one year :)
For a couple of days I have been engrossed in work and mating, oops meeting people. I shall start visiting all of your blogs soon. Until then, introducing ME- part 2.]

"I need result, Dr., result, not risk."
"Yes sir. I understand."
But in reality, Dr. GenieAss was wondering how many times his own ass would need to be sacrificed for nurturing an eternal ass. Then again, playing God is not easy, neither serving an omnipresent asshole.

"What's the remedy?"
"Deploy the subject on a hostile planet..to be precise on the earth...Sir.."
"What?????"
A deaf frog suddenly jumped out of the window to escape from the dreaded decibel.
"Dr., you can't do that. Remember the subject omega-factor-11? You deployed it there. What damage..god..what inconceivable damage it had done to me! Do you think people worship me? Hell, no, people worship him. He is the God, not me. Damn it."

How can Dr. GenieAss forget that? God never misses an opportunity to remind him of the mistake.

God was referring to Jesus. It is a sour to the core topic. How could someone defeat him in his own game! No, he can't let that happen again. No, never.

"But sir, human beings have evolved ever since. They are now more arrogant, more intolerant, more cruel, more callous. No one trusts anyone, no one agrees with anyone. They have got a system called, democracy sir. The possibility of Jesus happening again is virtually nil in the present scenario."

"Yeah, that I realize. But..."
"To clutter a perfect mind with shits, there is no better place than earth, sir. One just doesn't get along another on that planet." Dr. GenieAss argued.

God weighed the options. At any cost, the subject can't be deployed in an advanced, peaceful planet. That will favor the development of the subject. Who knows what will happen to his supremacy then. Yes, humiliation is better than extinction.

"Alright, let it be the earth then." Between bad and worse, god wisely chose the bad.
"Any deployment target?" - target is the code name for a womb.

"Sir we have already zeroed down on a couple. But the couple is expecting a girl, not boy."
"Dr., I am not here to fulfill expectations, you understand..not to fulfill. I am here to manage the things."

Dr. GenieAss understood the discussion was over. Why every boss talks the same language, or rather every asshole!

So as result of the contingency measure on god's chamber, on 1980, 6th June, around 4 p.m. a truck was rushing towards the town hospital, to its labor room to be precise, in the upper most place of Assam, called Sadiya. This time, however, the truck didn't carry my uncle's timbers, but my mother!
And at 5.17 p.m., the horribly had gone wrong, heavenly research subject was incarnated on the earth.

What followed thereafter was a chain of "wtf" reactions.

On my abnormally tiny size....
The gynecologist- "wtf? Is it a rabbit or a new species on the earth?"
My father - "wtf? So much efforts, so little result!!!"

On my high-pitched marathon cry....
An old women patient who occupied a bed near to mine- "wtf? Son of a bitch or donkey?"
My young mother- "wtf? How to pacify a baby!!!"

And on the world....
Me- "wtf? The conspiracy to suppress my voice has already begun!!!"

June arrived. My friends began to shout.

Narendra, 'buddy, get ready to spend at least 15k.'
Me, 'wtf, paidaa hotewaqt bhi itna kharsa nahi huwa tha!!!(even in my birth time, the price wasn't this much)'
......
Rasika- 'Can we have the party at a resort?'
Me, 'what? Resort? You are kidding, right?'
'NooOO, I mean it. Seriously.'
'Hmmm...*#@($##$*#!!!%*()%#..'
Somehow I managed to convince her that it wouldn't be a resort. In the process, I had to throw some philosophical arguments from the kitty of Buddha, 'birth is the cause of every suffering. So,..' Good thing about girls is that you can put the end to a conversation efficiently just throwing a little dose of philosophy. All you need to do is to remember a few philosophers name.
Anyway, we agreed to have it on a place we both love.
'CooOOl.' she concluded.

Finally 6/6 happened. The day when this boy's mom visits a lord Krishna's temple and her soulless son visits millionaire Vijay Mallaya's temples. Idealogies apart, we both celebrate the same cause though.
She became a mother and I became a son on 1980, 6th June, 5.17 p.m.
You must be thinking,'wtf, wy dn't u jst tel dat 6/6 is ur b'day? It's an era of sms,twitter. Ppl dnt hv time even for sex, isn't?'
Relax, life is not sms. Remember the bastard called, Darwin ? Couldn't he keep his mouth shut? 28 years survival stories in sms? You must be crazy just like god.



It (my birth) all started with a knock, yes, a knock at the God's sleeping chamber.
Time-Year 1980, 5th june, 11.15.33 pm.

Knock, knock..
No response.
Bang..Bang..this time with full forces.
(After voyeuring in Madonna's bedroom, god was trying to have a quality time.)
"WTF"- he was surely annoyed while ajaring the door. After a peep into Madonna's hole, anybody would pronounce that..he knew that because he himself set up those rules of erotica.
But his temperament froze off instantly ..because in front of him was standing Dr. GenieAss, none other than the head of conscience and intelligence research wing. Among thousand R&D wings, that was one of the only two research wings with zero level access code..meaning god directly supervises its activities. It also means Dr. GenieAss is authorized to show his ass anytime. Among many vital projects, it's primary projects are- 1. To model unique inscrutable complicated female psyche so that men keep busy themselves analyzing them without needing to turn their attentions to god ever.
2. To prototype certain brains and simulate evolution to analyze whether one day there would be an intelligent brain enough to hack god's mind..exposing all his secrets (he knows, a secret is a weakness in disguise)

"What's the matter Dr.?"
"Sir, prototype xx-delta-7-it is showing unusual evolve pattern..It is evolving at a rate of 1.7 zillion faster than any other prototype and 3.32 billion faster than yours per minute. We have got an emergency situation sir."
"What?????? How could you allow to happen that, Dr.?"
"Sir as you know, we implanted a very high overdose of intelligence to the subject. It's intelligence to mass ratio is an unprecedented 5000:3. We expected a natural dense explosion, leading to self annul. But strangely it is balancing itself while still evolving."
"How long it before surpasses my level of intelligence?" -god's doomsday fear is shockingly near.
"Sir, our estimate shows 17hours 31 minutes 7 seconds."
"oh god...."- even god uses this word in a time of crisis. He wishes there be a still higher power to rescue. "Terminate it with immediate effect. You hear me? Terminate it."
"I am sorry sir. Terminate is not possible at this time. The subject has developed a defense mechanism that even our most sophisticated technique can't break.
'ohhhh..god...'-- Madonna was as distant as Pluto by then..his eyes were seeing ghosts of fears. He never thought he had been hosting so much fear in his omnipotent heart.
'Dr. there has to be a way out..at least a way'-- god desperately looking for a thatch like a drowning man.
"Indeed sir, there is a way. But it's extremely risky."
[To be continued...]